New Beginnings
by Hakuyaoshi
Summary: A short story of what happens after the fall of the Reapers. FemShep X Garrus Rated M for later chapters.
1. Gasp of air

It has been sometime since I felt the muse to write anything, and well, having just been able to go through all Mass Effect games with added content, it inspired me to write this little story up. It will be short and no doubt mushy as all hell.

FemShep x Garrus

R&R is always welcomed!

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"_In a world filled with darkness, we must still dare to hope. _

_In a world filled with fear, we must still dare to seek love. _

_In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. _

_In a world filled with loss, we must still dare to believe." ~ Unknown Krogan_

* * *

A gasp of air.

That was all it was...

"Hey! I have someone over here! Get the medic!"

Eyes encrusted with both ash and blood cracked open. All there was at first was light and blotches of black. Next came the scent of smoke, charred metal, burned plastic, the smooth copper taste choking the air. Blinking; the blotches of light and dark began to clear, ruins of some massive metallic creation hung all around like a morbid claw.

A few more gasps of air tore into the broken ribs that encased the failing lungs.

Hearing returned with a shrill cry. The high pitch dulling to that of voices, someone now hung over the field of blurred vision. Pain! Red hot pain laced the broken body as trained hands ran over it looking for further damage. A voice could be heard, but nothing was understood in the vacant mind; so quickly trying to fight for life, was starting to fail.

The pain dulled like the hearing to a dull roar. The prick of needles barely registered to the fading mind. Death though seemed to back away. The consuming darkness cleared ever so slight from the mind. Blurred eyes began to focus further on the being kneeling over the vision. Large round eyes focused intently on the mid section, slender arms covered in blood was binding clean wrapping to a injury.

A salarian?

A few more harsh breaths racked the chest. No longer gasps, but shaky intake of air. A oxygen mask was placed over the dry, cracked lips, pumping the sweet taste of life into the lungs though collapsed; refused to hand in its final hour.

Not yet...

A face flashed in the bruised mind, a gray blotted shape, blue markings. It was not clear nor made sense to the mind, but the desire to live arose even stronger. Whose face that was, it meant something to this fallen broken form so badly burned and shaken.

"The pulse is strong! Quick get me a gurney! We do not have much time!"

Ears popped, drowning the mind with sudden noises from all around. All of it muddled and confusing, all but the words the salarian shouted over it all. Time seemed to be confused, at least to the mind as the body found itself painfully lifted and placed on a elevated plush surface. The blurs of light and dark swept by the half open eyes as the body felt the bumps and vibrations from the soft surface it was placed upon.

Darkness once more began to move into the minds function; though this time it felt more calm. No longer holding that cold scythe to the throat. Unconsciousness took hold, the body slumped making the salarian in a panic check all vitals. A soft sigh of relief passed his pale brown lips as all seemed clear.

Looking down to the broken burned body, the salarian could not help but rest his hand on the shoulder of the heavily damaged body.

"If not for you... we would all be dead. I will not let you die on us... Commander Shepard."

As he spoke, other medics came over to the gurney that was pulled into the medical tent. All around many bodies of human and alien alike were being tended to, many injured from the crimson light filled blast the citadel had pulsed forth before its destruction. Even so; if not for the bravery of the very soldier they looked down upon now. Everyone would have been laid to waste by the Reapers.

A turian officer looked over from his datapad at the name the salarian medic had spoken. Turning sharply on his heels, the young deputy that originally came from C-Sec looked passed the medics at the badly injured Commander. His breath hitched as he saw her chest awkwardly lift with each breath.

Commander Shepard was alive?!

The turian made a hasty exit from the medics tent, in hopes of finding some form of communication to his superiors. This was something his people- no; the galaxy needed to know. The hero who saved them from mass genocide was alive!

What started as a single gasp, turned to harsh breaths.

That was all that was needed.


	2. Alone

"_No matter what happens here..._

… _You know I love you, I always will."_

"_Shepard... I..."_

* * *

"I love you too..."

The soft voice echoed.

Blue eyes pulled open, the hum of the ships engine having pulled him out of the dream; nightmare more like it.

Every night it was the same thing, reaching for her, so close and yet so far away. The sorrow in her words when she said good bye. Bare talons came to rest over his eyes as he lay there on the cot in the small space he had called 'home' for so long.

The tears fell silently, the pain racked his chest as if Wrex himself were crushing his ribs. It hurt... the sorrow was eating away at what little sanity he had left. Why did he not force himself to stay with her? To die along side her versus retreating like some coward! It was acknowledged she fell when the Citadel exploded and collided into the planet beneath it. No one could survive that; not even Shepard who had shown time and time again the impossible was possible to her.

Days had worn by in the mind numbing task of repairing the Normandy from its hellish crash on this planet. He had buried himself in the repairs, ignoring all others trying to converse with him. His body may have survived that war with new scars added, his mind was gone.

The turian's inner life that shone so long throughout all the misery the past years have been bestowed onto him; burned out when he let her go. When he watched her look to him that once last moment.

Tears fell down the scarred face, striking the pillow beneath his head as he lay upon his back. He did not want to wake up, every time consciousness returned it was like a hot knife melting through his heart. Here; this realm of reality he was alone, he had lost the only being that ever meant the world to him.

She was ripped away from him, and all he had to hold onto was the memories. Those oh so painful memories that continuously ate at him, never giving him a moment of peace. The very last memory of her being the final bullet that snuffed his inner fire... those eyes of hers, so strong, and yet...

He knew she was aware her going back into that battle field meant death. Her eyes had told him everything. Shepard did not mean to come back.

"_Good bye Garrus..and if I am there in that bar and you're not... I will be looking down. You'll never be alone..."_

That was the first real time he had seen her cry, even if the tears did not fall, they were there in those vibrant eyes of hers.

A agonized cry broke past his lips as his talons remained draped over his eyes, uncaring the tears were soaking into his sleeve. No matter how hard he had wanted to hope, it was done. Over. She was gone and he was truly alone in this galaxy.

"Shepard..."

His voice softly echoed through the small chambers of his domicile upon the Normandy. Just as his heart felt, his words sound hallow, alone.

"Joker to Normandy; all systems are green, brace yourselves for take off."

The turian listened to Joker's voice crack over the intercom throughout the ship. It was not the speakers fault why his voice sounded broken. EDI... Mordin... There were a lot of deaths lost to this war. To many were claimed by the Reapers...

Was he selfish for feeling true agony from the loss of Shepard and only Shepard? The turian did not care, his mind was beyond giving a damn anymore of what was right and wrong.

The entire ship shuddered violently as the engines ignited and took hold, other than the other talon at his side gripping the edge of the cot to brace himself, Garrus Vakarian did not move from his spot. Perhaps in the past he would have felt obligated to at least arise from his chambers and see the lift off in person. After all it was a big feat for them to repair the Normandy enough to make her space worthy once more.

He didn't give a damn.

After a few focused moments of the roar of the engines, the feel of the Normandy, Garrus lost track of his thoughts as he once more buried himself in the memories that felt more like a bittersweet poison. Her eyes forever haunting him as he watched her go.

"Garrus?"

The muffled feminine voice pulled him ever so slight out of the haze of his mind. He knew right away it was Tali, this was her fifth attempt of trying to get him to come out of his room. Like before, he ignored her, remaining in place, awaiting for her to give up and leave like she had the previous times.

"Garrus please... can we talk?"

Silence... the minutes ticking away...

"I miss her too..."

Was all she said as her muffled foot faded away. Yeah; he knew was as being selfish, but the former C-Sec officer, Archangel, love of Shepard did not give a damn anymore what anyone else thought. All he wanted to do now was fade away, to be with her at that bar in the sky; looking down on everyone else.


	3. Injury

The first thing that was noticed was the bright blinding light burning into her vision. Shepard was quick to close her eyes once more while her awakening mind took in the status of her broken form.

Slowly, her body began to reboot. Hearing was second, she heard the soft clatter and sounds of people on the other side of a wall, on occasion there was a metallic echo and a woman's voice speaking for someone to either call another or meet someone in the lobby.

That was when feeling returned. A harsh hiss slipped by her dry and cracked lips, the sound not escaping the oxygen mask snugly strapped onto her face. The Commander felt as if a sludge hammer was taken to her entire body, the magnitude of pain was astounding. A slight shift of her left arm gave way to a small ping of pain, indicating which arm the IV was plugged in to.

Trying the eyes once more, it pleased her ever so slight that the glow from the lights welcomed her back to the living with a not so intense greeting. Her vision began to take a more solid focus as the memories as muddled as they were from the Citadel's explosion, began to fill her mind. How did she get here? Ah yes; the salarian medic out in the field. How did she survive that crash? Nothing; her memory could not aid her in figuring that one out.

Suddenly, her mind was filled with a certain turian, those agonizing blue eyes staring right at her, reaching for her as she stepped away from the Normandy. The tears were already sliding down her face before she realized she had begun to cry.

"Garrus."

It startled the Commander that it was her voice that filled the room. It sounded broken, cracked, as if she were screaming her lungs out. Perhaps she was at one point that her memory could not find the courage to muster up.

Her eyes fully open, took in her scenery. She was in a hospital bed, her left arm had three IV's strapped in, machines beeped softly around her as their attachments throughout her body read her life signs. Her legs, and right arm were in braces, holding them locked unable to move. Shepard's midsection was lathered in bandages underneath the small teal hospital garment. Hell her entire body was covered in medical bindings. Why did the world feel so...

Her muggy mind suddenly snapped to full awareness as she realized her right eye was bandaged up as was the entire left side of her face. She could not even open the eyelid, it was fused shut, and her face gave into a dull throb. Panic began to fill her heart, though she was already surprised to be alive, it was not a pleasant thought her body may be more mangled that what it was worth living.

A sharp beep began to fill the air making her one good eye glare at the machine that was regulating her pulse.

The door to her right of the small medical room, clicked open as a female human dressed in nurse garb came in with clipboard in hand. She quickly went to work on dialing back the machine, checking all other vitals before stepping back. Her brown eyes were wide with awe as she looked Shepard up and down, long enough to draw a flushed color to the one cheek that remained unwrapped.

"Can I help you?"

Shepard's cracked voice made the nurse jump, dropping her clipboard with a loud clatter to the tile floor. With a sheepish laugh, the woman retrieving her dropped item, looked at the chart in her hand... That smile slowly slipped away from her features making that icy hand grasping Shepard's heart, all the more tighter.

"I am going to get the doctor."

Was all the nurse said before vacating the room. Shepard in all attempts of calming herself, looked up at the ceiling, trying to count the many dots the plaster boards above held. She was not even suppose to come back from all this, it was no doubt a given that she was going to be crippled in some way or another. Again; it bothered her, how had she survive the fall of the Citadel?!

The click of the door returned the woman from her thoughts as a salarian came in, with the many hues of green blotching his face, his smile seemed friendly enough even though it was clearly strained. Holding what was no doubt the same clipboard from the nurse in his hand, he gently shutting the door behind him, headed over to the side of her bed.

"Greetings Commander Shepard; I am Doctor Cormid. You have been asleep for the past five days-"

"Five days?!"

Her sudden outburst was no surprise to the salarian, yet her one eye wide, the Commander looked at the salarian with a stunned expression. She had no idea, no clue...

Clearing his throat, the doctor went onward. She may be a hero to the galaxy, but she was still his patient and he was not one to sugar coat anything.

"As I was saying, you fell unconscious when the field medics recovered you. You have suffered a concussion hence why vision and hearing are slightly impaired. You have all your ribs broken, cracked and bruised. Both legs were shattered in multiple places, your right arm also. Your right lung was punctured, your left collapsed. If not for the cybernetic implants you received, your organs would have failed due to both impact and shock. The implants stopped internal bleeding and have aided in the recovery of your organs as well as bones."

Shepard hearing all the damage done internally, she was afraid of what was to come about her external...

"Severe fourth degree and third degree burns are scattered throughout your body where the armor you were wearing burned away in the crash."

With a deep sigh, his eyes going from the clipboard, focused fully on her good eye, his own expression solemn.

"You will scar, no matter how enhanced your cybernetics are, it cannot mend the flesh. I am sorry Commander Shepard. You will no longer have the use of your right eye, and the left side of your face, though with grafting done, will have scars from the burns and embedded shrapnel. You will also no longer be able to perform as a soldier, your legs took most of the damage, even with the added cybernetics we have implanted. It will take time but you will be able to walk, for now though you are to use a wheel chair."

The sorrow in both his expression and voice cut Shepard deep as she looking forward, dropped her single eye down, focusing on nothing. The tears returned, but not for what he was telling her... She was too injured to leave this place, already it had been five days. Where was the Normandy, where was her crew, where was Garrus?

"With all due respect, you are lucky to be alive let alone capable of healing as much as you can from the severity of this damage. I; we all are in debt to you. You saved us all from a horrid fate the Reapers would have given us. Thank you, from all of us."

Looking up at the doctor, Shepard in too much shock, just stared at him as he bowing his head to her, rested a tender hand on her shoulder.

"I will let you rest. Evening meal will be coming around soon."

Making his way for the door, The salarian stopped at the crack of her voice.

"Wait; what... what happened with the Normandy?"

Her broken voice whispered to the Salarian as he with her back to her, gave into a deep slow breath.

"No one knows, it has been five days since the Citadel explosion. The Normandy has not been seen since... I am sorry."

Was all he said before leaving the hospital room, following behind him the muffled sorrow of Shepard.


	4. Never alone

Three months have passed, though it still felt as if it dragged on. The crew upon the Normandy were starting to wear down, their once energetic views of reuniting with society bashed down for how long it was taking. The mass relays were heavily damaged, jumping vast distances was impossible until repairs were made. Their flight alone would not have been possible if not for the few fuel depots they passed and wrecks where they could scavenge any fuel left behind.

They had found two relays, half jumping them to where it was they were trying to get to. The local cluster; where it had all began and ended. It seemed almost unbelievable to Joker as he saw the small blue planet in his scope. It was still a good distance off, but in all purpose... The pilot opened up a com link.

"Joker to Normandy; Earth has been sited, three weeks. Normandy; we are almost home."

Even in the cockpit Joker heard the rising cheer of the crew. Even the none humans gave into their mirth. No longer were they stuck in space not knowing any answers to the many questions they wanted to ask. That was; all but one.

Eyes open but vacant, locked in the med bay by Doctor chakwas, a turian lay on one of the med bay beds, IV's sticking out of his right arm, feeding him the much need nutrients he had denied himself. Tali had finally become fed up to Garrus's silence, hacked the locking systems to his room, just to find him half starved, wasting away. In her panic she had summoned the doctor who immediately took action to what was laid before her.

Garrus did not care... He gave up, finished, done.

He tried to impress his father, that failed. He tried to be there for Shepard, that failed. He tried to be Archangel and help his team, that failed. He tried to be her lover... that was the most painful memory of it all. He was a failure, nothing ever seemed to go right with any of the choices he made.

The hiss of the med bay door gave him no comfort thus no attention was given to whomever decided to come in here. He was sickened with the sympathy the crew gave him, by their words, their eyes alone... He understood all to well. He had failed! He did not remain with her... the too many what if's that buzzed in his skull gave him no peace of mind.

"Pfft; look at you. You are a pathetic reminder of what Shepard left behind."

The cold bitter words were spoken with the strong voice of Jack. Having returned for the final battle, she and her young students were all aboard the Normandy when it was evacuated from Earth. She too had lost those she cared for.

Going over to his side, the female kicked the edge of the medical bed hard making it jerk with the biotic force. Her eyes glowering at the turian who refused to do anything but breath.

"You called yourself her Lover, her mate. You are despicable, wasting away, refusing to keep her memory alive. All you want to do is die and take her with you. You are one hell of a greedy son of a bitch!"

The human spat the words out with such hatred. Going to the edge of the bed, she leered over at him, her lips curled up in a angry sneer.

"You think you were the only one who lost someone?! I had to leave behind the bodies of my students! It bloody fucking hurt! Do you see me wasting away in some med bay bed like a cancer riddled patient?! NO! I will not corrupt their sacrifice for my own self pity! Now get off of your fucking ass you fucking moron!"

Kicking the bed as hard as she could, the braced down mountings groaned and screeched as they were twisted from her biotic induced kick. The sound alone made the med bay door open, Doctor Chakwas staring in shock at the bent frame and Jack's still glowing form, snapped her fingers; a single pale finger pointing at the very door she had just entered from.

"Fine; he's dead anyway. Might as well toss his body in with the rest of the corpses floating in space."

The biotic snorted as she gruffly walked out with no further words of '_advice' _to offer. Chakwas shaking her head, sighed before going over to Garrus's side, checking his vitals before grimacing at the damage done to the mounting brackets.

Standing up once more, the doctor looked at the sunken form of the fallen turian. No physical wounds remained from the battle, but she knew death when she saw it, and if he did not pull out of it soon... there was no turning back. Resting her hand on the side of his arm, Chakwas released a slow long breath from her lips.

"Please wake up Garrus. Shepard would never have wanted to see you like this."

"_Good bye Garrus..and if I am there in that bar and you're not... I will be looking down. You'll never be alone..."_

Shepard's words rang in his mind, his eyes grew a little more focused at the wall that stared back at him while his back was to the doctor. Having removed her hand, Chakwas left him there, only the soft hiss of the door informing he was once more alone...

_You'll never be alone..._

Claws gripped the side of the bed tightly, the tips causing the fabric to rip under the sudden tension. Those steel blue eyes looked forward at that wall yet his mind saw a face looking back at him. One of strength, power, respect, laughter, sadness, Love...

"Shepard."

The word came out as more of a growl than spoken. Jack's angry words intermixed with the words Shepard had spoken to him. Their time together, though short, was intense and truly worth it all. Slowly... ever so slowly, the bed creaked and groaned in protest as the turian sat up.

_Never alone..._


	5. To hope

R&R would be grateful, I would like to know what you; the readers think of this fic ^^

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Three months have passed, most of the bandages for the severe burns were removed, but Shepard wondered if that was a good thing. Wherever she looked, ugly twisted red scars blotches her once flawless skin. The scars still ached even, but thankfully as the doctor mentioned, the pain would dull when the deeper cell damage mended. Her face though remained bandaged; her eye still concealed behind the thick gauze.

The braces on her limbs remained. Even with the cybernetics in place, the bones were literally crushed and needed a lot of time to mend, and to mend properly. It was still a painful reminder, she no longer could be what she once was. A soldier, a protector, the heroine of the galaxy. As corny as it seemed, and even with the acknowledgment of the shear miracle from being alive in the first place; never did she think she was done.

The memory of the Normandy still tore her up. Even after having spoken to a turian general having been notified of her survival, there was no sign of the cerberus built ship. Memories plagued her mind whenever silence found her alone in that hospital bed. She could see him reaching out for her, the fear and panic in his eyes. He had known she was facing death. Her good eye half shut, Shepard could almost feel his claws reach out for her. Yet every time, same as before, she would snap back to reality. In this sterile room with only a television on the wall to entertain her. The constant beep of the machines surrounding her. The smell of the medigel and bandaging lacing her form.

In the end, Shepard turned to the television plastered on the wall in front of her. After the reaper attack, there was very little to be seen on the air. It was the news she was most interested in as they spoke about rebuilding what was lost. To never forget and to move on. That was all the human race could do, what anyone could do. There was much death and plenty more suffering later, but in the end. They as a whole galaxy could not give up. For to give up would mean the reapers had won.

As Shepard watched the news, she saw numerous races help the humans here on earth. Her main focus though were the turians. Through the sudden blurry eye, she watched as they helped pull survivors from the wreck, as they provided medical treatment, tactical placements of shelters all around that provided the human race with food, a place to sleep, comfort to help deal with the shock that many were still feeling even after it being near four months ago since the Reapers attacked the planet.

"One thing I have learned from all this Hell. We stand stronger together, and even with the impossible facing us down. We survived. We all did..."

The flange filled voice spoke through the television speakers as a field reporter interviewed a turian who bore red markings along his face. A wet smile broke across Shepard's face as the silent tears slid down from her good eye, even the gauze over her right felt moist.

_We didn't all survive..._

Though she understood he had meant all the races, but she could not help but think of all those who had fallen. Mordin, Thane, Ashley, Anderson... A small broken sob broke past her lips as even her mind could not think of it; could not even try to visualize that the owner of those steel blue eyes who held so much emotion for her; was gone.

"-Further news; Commander Shepard is Alive!"

The sudden outburst of the news anchor brought the sorrow drowned eye back to the television before her. They were just now finding that out? Was she not alive four months ago? What changed?

After a few excited chatters back and forth from the two news anchors, it switched over to a field reporter. A asian woman with short black hair... Emily Wong. A small sigh left Shepard upon seeing the woman who was doing investigations on the Citadel had survived. It took the alliance solider a moment to realize Emily was interviewing both the Turian General who had spoken to Shepard near three months previous and her salarian doctor; Cormid.

"Yes; she was recovered from the ruins of the Citadel that had crashed here upon Earth's surface. Needless to say, even after all this time, she is still in need of much recovery."

The doctor was speaking; it felt strange to be the one people were going on about. It never really registered to the Commander, that maybe... she really did help this world, this very galaxy. The last thing she really wanted though was to be revered...

"-only reason we did not mention her alive until now was she needed time to recover from the severity of the injuries received..."

Well that explained it to Shepard as her eye went to the badly burned scars littering her form. She was informed of the injuries, but perhaps she had not really understood. Her eye as suddenly brought back to the television as Emily mentioned the wanting to know the whereabouts of the Normandy to the turian general. He was silent for a few seconds before responding.

"The turian militia has sent out numerous scouts in search of the Normandy. We so far have not found anything be it the whole vessel or... remains. Though we have not given up, Shepard was not the only hero aboard that ship."

Turning his eyes to the camera, his hazel eyes sincere, the general spoke.

"Commander Shepard; if you are watching this. You have given us all one thing that we wish to return back to you; that is Hope."

Hope... The Commander continued to watch the television but it did not register as that single word rang in her mind. Hope; did she really dare grasp on the bare threads of that... She was not sure.


	6. Reveal

Three weeks slid by almost unnoticed with the crew. Their anticipation of returning to earth was over whelming. The stocks of alcohol was near depleted, the food stock even more so. The Normandy needed to find a place to dock even if it was not earth or else they would starve to death while drifting in space. Fuel cells were flashing warning signs to Joker in the cockpit as he focused on earth's atmosphere.

It truly as a grave yard in space surrounding the planet. Remains of both machine and organic were scattered all around. The hum of the Normandy seemingly louder than usual to the pilot as he carefully tiptoed the ships way through the debris, praying he did not focus too much on what may be a severed limb, or bottom half of a torso.

"You are a unmarked vessel, state your business!"

Joker let out a small cry from the sudden burst of static and angry voice that crackled over the military channel. Grasping hold of the head piece that was looped around his neck, Joker spoke quickly back into the small mouth piece hanging by his lips.

"This is the Normandy; requesting to land and resupply as well as repair the damage we have received."

"Normandy; we will guide you in. Stand by."

Joker felt heavy in his seat as his gut twisted with uncertainty. He has only ever been guided in on foreign planets; never the very one his genetic code originated from. For a moment, Joker toyed with the idea of activating the stealth codes, only to be bitterly reminded it was one of the many systems that were lost when EDI sacrificed herself to maintain the shields when they were trying to flee the mass relay's explosion.

The blips on the systems before him, snapped Joker from his memory. Eyes looking forward saw two turian class vessels sidle up on either side of the Normandy right when the contact lines crackled alive once more.

"Normandy; this is General Vegrolin. We will guide you in through the atmosphere. Normandy... Welcome home."

Joker's twisting gut suddenly seemed to turn to butterflies when realizing the reason the Normandy was being treated the way it was. As cheesy as it sounded to the man in the leather seat; this vessel was classified as a war veteran, let alone the carrier for Commander Shepard.

A small smile bitterly curled on his lips as Joker guided the Normandy towards the atmosphere, his eyes keeping a sharp eye on the already faltering shields. Though he himself never really saw earth as _his_ home, it was the home he had sacrificed so much to protect.

Opening the channel, Joker could not help but have the smile in his words as he spoke to the crew he has been with through hell and back.

"Joker to Normandy. We are entering earth's atmosphere. Prepare for reentry, turbulence will most likely happen due to our shot up shields."

The pilot snickered as fire began to bloom over the Normandy's nose. The elation seemed to burn in his chest as bright as the sun shining over the horizon of the planet. In all intense purposes; they had won!

"Normandy; I heard some information not too long ago you would be most pleased to hear..."

Joker near half listened to the turian's voice crackling com link, yet, as the alien continued to speak... Jokers eyes widened as his attention was given full to the voice ringing in his ear from the communications link.

* * *

Steel eyes stared forward at the dead expression looking back at him in the small reflective square mounted on the wall. He could barely recognize himself, the fire only a ember in his eyes. Garrus now stood up, walked around even, but still could not seem to bring himself to converse with anyone.

The pain would not lessen, even when trying to only remember the good memories, or to not recall them at all. A painful throb found its way behind his temples as he ran a claw over his fringe. No longer did the fading scars on his face bring a dull ache, it now seemed to grow and fester in his chest.

The rap on his door snapped the turian out of his reprieve, he had no idea how long he was standing there vacantly staring at the mirror in front of him. The knock returned, this time with more urgency pulling Garrus from his numb state. His legs already moved for the door even though he could not recall having given them that command. With the hiss of the door sliding open, Garrus blinking, was surprised to see Miranda staring right at him. The excited expression in her face only made sense to him for their return to the planet Earth.

Frankly he never wanted to see this particular blue rock ever again.

Something though set his mind off. If they were approaching earth, why the hell was Miranda standing there, banging on his door as if there was no tomorrow?

Without even waiting for Garrus to speak, Miranda reached out suddenly, grasping tightly onto the turian's shoulder. Her eyes searching his, making it clear she had his attention before she spoke her next words.

"Garrus; Shepard's alive!"


	7. What if

Thank you for the R&R's I have received, it pleases me to know you like this fanfic. Any more would be appreciated as well of course^^

* * *

_Shepard's alive!_

From across the street, steel blue eyes looked up at the tall skyscraper of a building on the other side of the road in the heart of Vancouver; where one of the main reaper attacks had occurred. The top portion of the structure was nothing but ruin from a reaper's attack when it landed nearby in the final hours. All around, where once proud buildings graced the sky, there was ruin, chaos and a deep unsettling sorrow felt from the very ground.

'Rainier Hospital'

Big blue lit up letters spelled out the name over the double sliding door entry point of the medical structure. The doors constantly opening and closing to visitors, survivors being ushered in be it on foot or gurney by the staff and field medics. Four months, and the causalities were still pouring in. On the side of the building, a large screen stood with a large crack defacing what it played. Lists of all those lost in the war, from human to alien. If documented faces could be placed to the name, they were shown.

Birth dates and death dates, some names even having small sentences dedicated to them from friends and family below their mark of death. So many were lost, it as truly staggering to witness. Pulling his eyes away from the depressing screen, the turian looked back at the intimidating maw of the hospital entry way. He was the first here, having immediately dug out the information of where Shepard was being held. Granted it was not too difficult, her story was all over the news vids from this planet. What concerned him... sure they mentioned she was alive and here in this very hospital, but... He had yet to see any footage of her 'living' body.

What if she was in a irreversible coma? What if she was just as bad when her body was spaced? What if she had a pulse, but nothing was alive? What if, what if, what if... Too many possibilities and none too good plagued his mind.

"You are just going to keep torturing yourself until you go in and find out yourself."

Garrus jumped as Tali came up to his left side. Having gone to visit the memorial site for many quarians that had fallen, the young female was a lot more quiet than usual. She didn't even look at the turian, her own gaze locked on the doorway before them across the street.

"I'm scared..."

Was all Garrus could croak out, with a voice that hadn't seen use in months, it seemed alien to him, almost unrecognizable. He was right though; he was truly afraid of what was awaiting him.

"Pfft, pussies."

Both Garrus and Tali were lurched to the sides hard as a Jack shoved her way between them. Not even giving them a glance, the biotic made her way briskly into the hospital main entrance. The doors shutting behind her while the two aliens just stood there trying to register what had just happened.

The two traded a steady look for but a moment before making their own way across the gauntlet of the street towards the ominous building. The turian was uncertain how Tali must be feeling, but he could not stop the trembling in his talons. The many what if's returned with force as the sliding glass doors became closer with each step of his armored limbs.

The smell of medigel and metal seemed to be the main scent in the air. Doors hissing shut behind him, Garrus stood in place as security made their way over with omni tools activated.

"Welcome to Rainier Hospital; due to the influx of armed soldiers, we are to take your weapons and ammunition stores. You will be returned these items when exiting the premises. We apologize for the inconvenience."

The human soldier spoke as Tali was already unloading her own small cache of weapons and ammo into the metal shelf the other soldier held out for the quarian. Garrus numbly nodding, reached behind him, with a click, the turian felt the comfortable weight of his weapons be stripped, one at a time. Within moments and feeling eerily light and exposed, both turian and quarian made their way towards the front desk of three very flustered looking humans as they frantically went about answering phones, clacking away on their computers and filing paper work.

The middle aged woman in the middle looked up like a startled deer in headlights upon seeing the two aliens approach them. Setting aside both her paperwork and reading glasses, the aged eyes crinkled with warmth.

"Hello; How can I help you today? Are you here to visit a patient?"

Garrus; whose throat was suddenly dry, could only muster up a short nod.

"We are here to... see Commander Shepard."

Tali's voice chimed in, gaining the eyes of all three sitting at the greeters desk, all their work forgotten beneath their fingertips. One of them; the younger of the three women, quickly clearing her throat, went back to tacking away on the keyboard before her. The other, a mid twenties dark skinned male seemed stuck at staring. The middle aged woman seemed unphased as she pulling up two clipboards, each holding a single sheet of paper, handed them out to both turian and quarian.

"Feel out these visitor forms and return them to me. From there we will have security lead you to her room. Each visit consists of fifteen minutes, normally visits last longer but due to the severity of her injuries, we keep the visits short so she can rest properly."

The woman spoke in a matter of fact voice as she handed them both pens and shooed them towards the sitting area off to the side where several other patrons were filling out forms of paperwork.

Leather groaned in protest as Garrus sat down, his steel blue eyes scanning the paper in front of him. It was odd being; normal. There were no Geth to shoot up, no reaper looming just off in the horizon, no gun going off, no rouge spectres... Nothing. The silence was almost eerie.

It only took a couple of minutes before Tali and Garrus returned to the counter, the middle age woman began to tack away on her own keyboard while her eyes scanned the information on the paperwork. Soon the printer by her began to process two guests passes with both the aliens names and pictures with large blue words beneath it reading 'GUEST'.

"Here we are, take these, put them somewhere where anyone can see them. Officer Steven will take you up now to where Shepard is resting. Fifteen minutes begin as soon as you enter her room, once the time is up, Officer Steven will guide back here to the main lobby. Enjoy your visit here."

Just like that, with badges in hand, the middle aged woman seemed to forget they even stood there as she returned to her work. Garrus giving Tali a side way stare, gave a weak sigh, putting the badge on the thin edge of the armor, began to walk for the officer standing by the elevator that the woman had pointed them to. Tali pinning her badge to the hood of her biosuit, quickly followed the swift gait of Garrus's long legs.

"Officer St-"

"Y- You're the Normandy's crew! Yes; right this way!"

The turian took a weary step back from the sudden excited outburst of the young officer, no doubt still a deputy by his youth and lack of any rank markings upon his uniform. Not seeing the turian's unease, the officer with a big grin upon his face, summoned the elevator and stepped in, eagerly holding the door open for both Garrus and Tali. Upon the doors sliding shut, and rising to its intended destination, the officer seemed content to just gawk at both aliens.

"You're staring."

Tali's voice broke the silence first, the youth blinking, grew patches of pink on his pale checks as he ran a hand nervously on the back of his neck.

"I- I'm sorry. I heard so much about the Normandy that it's just... you are heroes! You and Shepard! She alone took down the reapers!"

The excitement returned, eating away any of his embarrassment as he began to prattle off to them of all the amazing things he has heard about them. Garrus looked to the counting digital number at the top of the elevator doors, praying this ride was not going to last much longer.

As soon as he began to wonder how the human did not die from lack of breathing in, the doors dinged before opening up. Oh look, another sterile hallway... Garrus did not like this hospital.

"Ok; right this way, follow me!"

With a rumble in his chest, Garrus unhappily followed the bouncing youth as Tali fell in step beside the turian.

"I thought Veetor was annoying..."

That brought a small smile on the turian's face. He had read the files of Veetor when Shepard had first started to work with Cerberus. He was a quarian on one of the human settlements when it was attacked by the collectors. He never did really mentally recover from that 'fun' event.

"Ah! Here we are! Room twenty four thirty two B! Shepard is right through this door."

The energetic deputy spoke, his eyes dancing with wonderment as the 'heroes' looked at each other uneasily. Garrus hissing a long drawn breath from his jaws, looked at the door with hardened eyes. It was now or never...

Stepping forward, his imposing form causing the officer to stumble away from the doorway; Garrus reaching out, wrapped his claws onto the door handle, with a twist down and the click of the door releasing it's hold.

Garrus opened the door.


	8. Reunited

Shepard looked up from the pile of many magazines covering her entire medical bed, one in particular about the recovery from the reapers still open in her hands having been in mid article when she heard the click of the door. It was too early for lunch and the doctor was not in his daily rounds jut yet, so who the hell would be bothering her at this ti-

The magazine slipped from her hands, colliding to the ground with a crunch of the pages being bent. Tears suddenly welled up in her one good eye as she sat there, unable to do anything more but look. Her legs were still bound, her upper body wrapped in stiff bindings to aid in healing her battered rib cage, with the constant full time ache be it dull or sharp that never seemed to leave her alone. At this moment though, the pain completely avoided her notice, the scars forgotten, the injuries meaning nothing as those steel blue eyes looked right into her own. The tall form of a turian frozen in place, mandibles hanging on either side of his face in utter disbelief.

"Garrus... Garrus!"

Shepard suddenly gave a agonized yell from reaching for the turian with her one working arm, straining the muscles attached to still mending bone. Gritting her teeth as tears slipped down her face, she with a painful expression warping her face, reached right for the turian, her fingers trembling, her body shaking from the very effort. She refused to give in to the pain! Her mind pleading with itself. Please do not let this be another sadistic tease of her mind! Please do not have her wake up with no one here!

The many machines scattered around the head of her bed beeped in alarm of her sudden spike in both heartbeat and blood circulation. Still, she continued to reach out for him, the pain still twisting her face and making her grit her teeth while putting all the effort she could in reaching for the very being that had made her want to live. A IV pulled from her arm making the machine was connected to scream as blood began to pull down her reaching limb.

She remembered; waking up in the ruins of the Citadel, a blurred gray face with blue markings. It had not made sense to her bruised brain at the time, but it was clear as day now. It was _his _face that made her take in that other gasp of breath, to return to this reality. To live again.

As if he sensed her pleading, the turian crossed the space between him and Shepard with swiftness. His armor covered knee sharply connected to the floor while upon grasping her bandaged hand in both his talons, knelt there, looking at her, unaware his own over bright eyes began to shed the utter happiness of seeing her here, right here before him.

_Shepard's Alive!_

"Shepard..."

He dared whisper her name, praying this was not another of his night terrors, to see her so close, just to wake up once more on the Normandy, adrift in space, trying to find the blue planet that the humans had called home.

The dam finally broke...

A sob broke from Shepard's lips as she weakly with her good arm, pulled it from his talons and wrapped it around his neck, pulling him as close as she could. Ignoring the savage pain, Shepard closed her eyes. She felt his rough hide against her face and arm, took in the scent of him as his hot breath slid down her neck. Another sob broke loose from her lips as she tightened her hold. She thought the Normandy had fallen, that all her efforts in getting them out of there was...

"Garrus, garrus..."

Saying his name was as precious as the very air she breathed. Shepard wept into his armor, holding onto him as if he was the very last life line given to her. Nor did the battered woman ever think to let go; never again. Never again would she leave his side.

Garrus; having wrapped his arms gingerly around her broken damaged form, held her as tight as he dared. His eyes stared down at her back, tears soaking his cheeks, the salty liquid sliding down his mandibles and soaked into her hospital gown where his chin rested heavily. He was in shock... She was alive... Right here, in his arms, her body was warm, her heart was beating against his armored chest.

_Shepard's alive!_

Miranda's words kept flying through his mind from when she had near forced her entry into his chambers on the Normandy, and until this moment he had dared not think she was...

"Shepard. Shepard!"

Eyes shut, the turian suddenly held her even tighter to him, neither seemingly hearing the now screaming machines as a few of the connectors were removed from the embrace.

"What?"

Garrus's voice rasped the solitary word when he heard Shepard's own muffled voice in his neck. Not wanting to, he pulled away only enough to hear her words, even still he kept his arms around her form as she repeated what she had said the first time.

"Went to the bar; saw you were not there and came back looking for you."

It took the turian only a moment before letting out a small watery laugh. It seemed eons ago when he had said those very words to her if they had met their end that fateful day when the reapers attacked earth.

"Shepard; I l-"

"What is going on in here?!"

Shepard jumped and Garrus fell backwards, fumbling a few steps before rising up to his full height, just to glare violently at the brown doctor salarian who bumping past the intimidating turian with no bat of an eye, went to work readjusting the delicate machines that beeped their chorus of disruption.

"I allowed visitors, but nothing close to physical touch! You are mending! You should have known better! Look at this! You ripped off some of the sensors! Gahh! I cannot believe this! I should have you- you..."

Doctor Cormid swallowed and stepped back from the glowering turian who seemed to be radiating his dislike of the small slender thing before him. The salarian removed himself from between the human female and male turian after silencing the last machine. He was well aware of the ways of male turians and how aggressive they became when their loved one was ill or injured. Having heard the rumors of the great Shepard join the side of a turian, he was still not prepared for the abrupt appearance of her chosen mate.

With a much calmer note to his voice, the doctor carefully picked his next words as he kept his eyes focused intently on the powerful soldier that continued to glare at him with such a look of raw protectiveness.

"Commander Shepard has suffered immense damage to her body. She would not have survive if not for the cybernetics implanted in her. Though she is alive and mending, she needs more time before being able to doing anything strenuous. Shepard will be confined to a wheel chair for at least a year while taking therapy sessions to regain most of the use of her legs. She will need help though, this will be a long and painful process."

Cormid stuttered as Garrus still growling, stepped by the salarian doctor. Putting himself right beside Shepard's bedside, rested a talon on her shoulder, gaining a truly happy expression from those vibrant eyes of hers. The doctor ignored yet again, Garrus smiled gently down to her. He was here now by her side. Their eyes were locked as he rumbled his next words to her and only her.

"I am not going anywhere."

"I never thought you would."

her cracked voice responded as he gave her shoulder a squeeze, enough to show her he meant it.


End file.
